Walked into the barber shop just as the previous customer walked out, leaving me with the Israeli owner and the Ukrainian “kid” who works for […]
Category: Conversations
You Didn’t Need this 30 Seconds Anyway.
Walked out of my apartment building. The doorman introduced me to the exterminator, who comes once a week. I had never met the exterminator before. […]
May See Gray.
On a video call with our Armenia office: Me: Still have the Christmas lights up from last week, huh [they celebrate Christmas later than we […]
Help?
Me: How’d you do? Grocery store cashier: [looks up from her scratcher] Huh? Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there. Just a second. (finishes scratching […]
Is this a Confession?
[orginally posted February 17, 2016] Driver: Look at that guy. Look at that guy! Crossing against the light. Look at her texting and wearing headphones […]
Depressed or Cliche’d?
Diner owner: How you? Guy at the Table Next to Me: Seen too many sunrises. [orders breakfast, she already knew he wanted coffee – he’s […]
The Lifeguard Always Wins
Vanderbilt YMCA, May 1, 2013 Lifeguard to guy 1: “You can’t swim here without a bathing cap.” Guy 1: “Dude. I already swam 10 laps” […]
Unfortunately Average American
Overheard. Guy: I’ve never been to Ireland, but it’s one of the places I want to go Woman: Have you been to London? Guy: No, […]
The Man Has a Point
Overheard. Mother/nanny/teacher or caregiver of some sort: “Are you having fun!!??” Male – 5 – 8 years old: “New York is STINKY!”
I’m Also Available for Birthday Parties
Me: “That’s a lot of food you have up there” Cab Driver: “I eat all day while i drive” Me: “Let me guess what you’re […]
I said “Alabama”. He heard “Albania”
Me: Have you ever been to Alabama? Cab Driver: No, I’m Serbian.
It Was Summer. They Deliver Vegetables to the Office.
Me: I paid the fare with the machine back here, but I also brought this tomato for you as an extra tip (hands a tomato […]
And Now … Sports …
Two people got in line behind me while I was standing third in the checkout line. Overheard. Female #1: Should we go somewhere else? Female […]
The Shut-up Trick
Me: See that brownstone over there? I went to a play there last night. Cab Driver: No you didn’t. That’s a house. It’s not a […]
Rule #12
“Rule number 12,” he said as he picked up the receiver to give me personal advice. I left mine on speaker because I was angry […]
For the Record. It’s a Good Idea.
Me: If I give you a dollar, will you sing a song while you drive me to work? Cab Driver: What? Me: You can sing […]
The One Who Follows the Rule
Me: What time did you start driving this morning? Cab Driver: 4:10. I take a fast shower and go (makes a hair washing motion – […]
Napkin Guide to New York
At my Tuesday diner: Man: Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. Do you know where the Statue of Liberty is from here? Me: It’s all […]
What Happens in this House?
Staffer behind the McDonald’s Counter: What is that? Me [finished putting coffee change in the Ronald McDonald House donation box]: You mean the donation box? […]
I Don’t Wish to Witness the Magic
Guy at 53rd St: Hey man. I do magic. Wanna see a trick? Me: No thanks. I don’t particularly like magicians Guy: Come on, dude. […]
An Incomplete Genius
Overheard at my Tuesday diner: Person #1 with finality gives the full story of what happened to flight 370, declaring it to be in the […]
Out Loud, But Top Secret
Credit Card Company Voice Activated, Automated Operator: Thank you for calling XXXX fraud prevention we will need to ask you a few questions to confirm […]
Scary Driver, Good Donkey
Five minutes into my morning run down the side of the steep caldera, a dozen donkeys ran past me. I heard a man shouting commands. […]
One of Us is a Little Stubborn
Ticket agent: Do you have an injured leg? Me: Yes, just an ankle thing. Agent: Do you need wheelchair assistance? Me: Absolutely not. Agent: How […]
The Mystery of the Citibikers
Me: Do you like all of these Citibike riders? They are everywhere now that the sun is out Driver: Yes I do. Me: Really? Are […]
The Happy Cab
Driver: Welcome, welcome! How are you today? Me: Hi – I’m well, thank you. Greenwich and Christopher, please. How are you? Driver: Yes. Yes. And […]
The Convenience of the Luddites
Me: How do I order a coffee? Guy behind counter: Use the iPad in front of you. If you need help, ask one of them […]
President Dan
Around here, famous landmarks make for great meeting points. For example, any cyclist who has joined up for a ride that goes across the George […]
Cabbies and High Finance
Me: We actually need to be at Terminal C. Cab driver: No. This is the right one. See, it says American Airlines. Me: Yes, but […]
No Stupid Questions … But maybe Weird Ones
Cab Driver: Where you going? Me: Penn Station Cab Driver: Where you going? Me: Penn Station [a little more clearly] Cab Driver: I know. Where […]
Just Answer the Question, Julie
Me: Mornin’ Driver: Penn Station, right? Me: Yup. [puts head back, dials the phone] Amtrak Automated Phone System: Hi, I’m Julie, your Amtrak … [driver […]
Who’s Luck is it Anyway?
[I open the cab door and spot a quarter balanced on the bottom door frame ledge] (Handing it to the driver) Me: Oh look, a […]
Yapping and Banking
Customer: (in a voice louder than inside voice, but softer than airport ramp voice) Can I get twenty five hundred dollars? Teller: (muffled behind the […]
Funny Money
At the bank … 10 minutes in line, then …. Me: I need to buy some Euro, some Thai Baht and some Vietnamese Dong. Teller: […]
Suspicious Sushi
Standing at the sushi fridge in a grocery store near the office, with a salmon sushi box in my hand: Worker (who is there every […]
The Uber Incident
Car with Uber sign pulls up: Him: Hey, you need a taxi? Me: Great (hops in). Going to 37th between 7th and 8th. Him: 25 […]