Dear 50-something-Guy-Next-to-Me, Way-too-Early-While-I’m-Having-Coffee:
Whomever was on the other end of the phone listening to you read the ingredients of your juice bottle, then the ingredients of your fruit parfait while you consumed them, enjoys being flirted with in a very low-maintenance way.
That is all. Best of luck in life.
– the guy who handed you the plastic spoon you dropped on his foot