Brief summary of the quirks of business outside the U.S.
Had a conversation yesterday where I was being quizzed on the above. The answer, if you have a business request in (apologies to places I’ve worked but left out) …
– Mexico “Let me introduce you to my cousin, whose brother knows someone who can help you”
– Canada “Ok, but you’re American, so I’m pretty sure you’re mean, overpriced and don’t care enough about my individual hopes and dreams”
– London “You’re doing nothing new. There’s no purpose for it. There is intense competition. But yes, I’ll be happy to participate.”
– Brazil “We have no idea how this place works. Good luck.”
– Peru “Yes, absolutely. You have my full support and commitment.” (then immediately forgets the conversation)
– Chile “Nice here isn’t it. Professional. Everyone’s on time. You’ll forget you’re in Latin America (until you try to repatriate your profits)”
– China “NO.” (Which is when the conversation actually begins)
– India “YES!!!!! Whatever you wish. Anything is possible” (Which is then followed by trying to force the person to keep that commitment)
– Germany “Please fill out these forms and we will review them. Do not be creative. It slows things down”
– Japan “Thank you. This is a very interesting request. Perhaps you should engage the private sector. The best person would be [fill in the blank of a completely inaccessible person]”
– Singapore “Please tell me the end result immediately. I’ll need to know exactly what will happen, in great detail before you begin”
– Malaysia “What did Singapore say?”
– Thailand “After a detailed review of your answers to our 600 questions, the answer is yes. We will now need to ask another 2,500 questions as we move forward. (but somehow they’re so nice that it’s ok)”
– Ireland “Anything you like. You’re on your own, but we’ll tell anyone who asks that you’re my best buddy. Are we done talking business now?”
– Israel [a bunch of shouting and arguing and demands then happiness, smiles and collegiality when things go well] “We’re trying to build, fund, protect and run a country. Don’t be surprised if we miss a detail.”
– Qatar “Stand on one foot, eat this ice cream cone, explain Archimedes principle, sing your favorite pop song then arrange these primary color squares into their complements. After that, we’ll show up late and disorganized, but for some inexplicable reason, you’ll enjoy working with us. By the way, only one guy’s opinion actually matters here.”
I love all of these places, especially the quirks.