His Name is Earle. Or Not.

The only thing I know about Iguanas is that this one was named Earle. The only reason I knew this was that I had named him. Sure, maybe his family calls him Pepito or maybe his friends know him as Miguel or Juan, but I didn’t want to offend by calling him a name in […]

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Is Billy a Billionaire Today?

April, 2006 On my desk here at FORTUNE Magazine. A piece of direct mail from “Billy Fletcher.” Handwritten in magic marker. THE WORLD OF PRODUCTS Over 3000 products Write THE CATALOG MARKET TECH H.P.Q. Professional 2005 25% off on med. Orders, and 50% on Large orders. DELIVERY Billy has also nicely taped the word FREE onto the […]

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You Disgust Me.

Dear Gray, Flapping, Smelly, Cloud of Pigeons, I don’t know who puts seed out on the sidewalk in front of my building, but I hear the food in their neighborhood in front of their building is amazing. Like pizza and cake for pigeons. You should check it out. I will not let you give me […]

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Ode to a Piece of Lettuce

Oh, Piece of Lettuce, I saw you again today. Smashed against the concrete curb. You have a new scar, I see from someone taking a turn too tightly. I only know what you are because i saw what you were when you first fell there, green, fresh, probably from the upstate. Yes, upstate. You didn’t […]

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Mind Games Matter

Getting back in the swimming pool tonight after a few months off, I played a mind game with myself in which I cataloged mind games I play with myself to get through endurance sports. (these are beyond counting pedal or arm strokes and footsteps – I mean the ones when you can’t settle into mindless […]

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Minute (and 6 blocks) Clinic

The worst healthcare development in recent years is right here in Manhattan. These clinics that have popped up every 5 or 6 blocks. Before I go any further. I feel fine. This thought crossed my mind during a time of boredom, while nursing a cold. It used to be that if you needed to go […]

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True. But Where?

I opened my eyes and saw the blue sky and bright sun. He was jostling me with his foot and finishing a cigarette. “Come on. It’s time to go, Bobby,” he said as he flicked the butt into the gravel. Gravel? I looked around and saw i had passed out, perfectly straight within the lines […]

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Truth is in the Subtext.

Major Asian/middle east airline – staff international flights with the best, most pleasant people to leave a good impression. Major US airline – staff international flights with the grumpiest, longest-serving people as a prize for decades of service. Asian/middle east – “Let me introduce myself and tell you in depth about the services you’ll enjoy […]

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Truth.

Dear Starbucks Coffee-maker Person, Yes, you do have a “medium”. There are three sizes listed on the board. The one in the middle would be “medium”. On the left is “small”. On the right, “large”.

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FWIW

I’m a thought leader. No. You’re not. That’s a term made up by PR firms to pitch you because you hold their budget. I’m a Keynote speaker. Not unless I decide you are. That’s a passive aggressive way of saying you either want to get paid or will only take the “big” speaking opportunity. Or […]

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