Let the Barber Pick the Channel.

Walked into the barber shop just as the previous customer walked out, leaving me with the Israeli owner and the Ukrainian “kid” who works for him. I sit in the kid’s chair by the window and he starts doing his thing. They have TVs by each chair, but all show the same channel: Kid: You […]

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You Didn’t Need this 30 Seconds Anyway.

Walked out of my apartment building. The doorman introduced me to the exterminator, who comes once a week. I had never met the exterminator before. We shared small talk. He was wearing furry hat. He told me things I didn’t want to know about my apartment from before I bought and gut renovated it. I […]

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May See Gray.

On a video call with our Armenia office: Me: Still have the Christmas lights up from last week, huh [they celebrate Christmas later than we do] Staffer: Yes, we keep them up until New Year’s Me: When’s New Years? Staffer: The 13th. Then we take them down. Me: Interesting. Staffer: It’s an old Soviet thing […]

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Help?

Me: How’d you do? Grocery store cashier: [looks up from her scratcher] Huh? Oh sorry, I didn’t see you there. Just a second. (finishes scratching the non-winning card) Cashier: (curses a few times, tears up the card and throws it away) Okay, um. Can I help you? Me: I have no idea.

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Is this a Confession?

[orginally posted February 17, 2016] Driver: Look at that guy. Look at that guy! Crossing against the light. Look at her texting and wearing headphones crossing on a red light! Look at that bike … Me: (jokingly) You should be allowed to just tap one of them with your bumper once a month. Driver: (serious […]

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Depressed or Cliche’d?

Diner owner: How you? Guy at the Table Next to Me: Seen too many sunrises. [orders breakfast, she already knew he wanted coffee – he’s clearly a regular] Owner: [comes back with coffee] Suitcase – you coming or going? [points at the suitcase next to him] Guy: Little of both. [orders breakfast] Owner: [brings food] […]

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The Lifeguard Always Wins

Vanderbilt YMCA, May 1, 2013 Lifeguard to guy 1: “You can’t swim here without a bathing cap.” Guy 1: “Dude. I already swam 10 laps” Lifeguard: “Congratulations. Go get your cap” Guy 1: “But it’ll be like starting over when I get back!!!!!” Lifeguard: “My apologies. Go get your cap” Guy 1: (points at guy […]

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Unfortunately Average American

Overheard. Guy: I’ve never been to Ireland, but it’s one of the places I want to go Woman: Have you been to London? Guy: No, haven’t been there yet. Woman: What’s you’re favorite place to go? Guy: Actually, I’ve never been out of the country.

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The Man Has a Point

Overheard. Mother/nanny/teacher or caregiver of some sort: “Are you having fun!!??” Male – 5 – 8 years old: “New York is STINKY!”

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I’m Also Available for Birthday Parties

Me: “That’s a lot of food you have up there” Cab Driver: “I eat all day while i drive” Me: “Let me guess what you’re having for breakfast, ok? Cab Driver: “Ok” (sound of shuffling as he obscured his food. Me: “Chicken, goat cheese, some sort of curry sauce, peppers, garlic and onion” Cab Driver: […]

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